PRESS 'M' FOR MURDER

Thank you for holding. To proceed, press 1.

Press 1, if you want to continue to be degraded by a machine...

Please enter your 11 digit number...

Please enter your age, height, and weight followed by the pound key...

Please enter the color of your underwear...

For white, press 1... for black, press 2... for all other colors and prints, press 3.

Please hold... one of our operators will be with you shortly...

Up, up and away... in my beautiful balloooon...

...If you want to kill yourself, press 1... if you want to kill the machine, press 2... otherwise, please stay on the line.

I JUST WANT TO SPEAK TO A HUMAN BEING!

Please hold and an operator will be with you shortly. or to end this call... simply hang up.