Too much love won't kill you-

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Today we remember

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! Whichever camp you are in: lovers who make this day extra sweet or those who hate those lovers because they are heartbroken and bitter.

Today we remember.

You will remember

Pablo Neruda

You will remember that leaping stream
where sweet aromas rose and trembled,
and sometimes a bird, wearing water
and slowness, its winter feathers.
You will remember those gifts from the earth:
indelible scents, gold clay,
weeds in the thicket and crazy roots,
magical thorns like swords.
You'll remember the bouquet you picked,
shadows and silent water,
bouquet like a foam-covered stone.
That time was like never, and like always.
So we go there, where nothing is waiting;
we find everything waiting there.

You had me at hello

You had me at hello.

When I know you, I never thought those words will strike me like the cheesy movie. But, you. You left me gasping for air never knowing you were actually gagging me with your sweet you. You had me at hello.

And hello means goodbye.

I never know. Despite the proximity of our body and soul, a bittersweet ending is inevitable. All along I thought it would matter. That closeness I mistook for love.

You pour yourself out to me, crying your loneliness and desperation in my ear. I listen up to the brim, almost not holding on. But it is okay because I care. For you. You showed me your sweetness. You pamper me with things extra-ordinary. I thought it was love.

You had me at hello. And goodbye.

Today is the day of all days. I took a picture of the heraldic parting of clouds with the rays of the sun forcing themselves through. Add a chariot of fire and an angel of death, it would be the perfect ending of the world. But no. There are no chariots, no fires, no angels. But I know today is the end of the world. Clouds starting to cover my blue sky.

That ending starts with a lovely and intimate dinner and a long walk. We talk and talk. And you hug me, oblivious to the world. We have our massage privately. Everything you do is private. You and me. Alone. We have to conquer the world of our own. So selfish of you. I think you only wanted all of me. Just me. And you. Both of us, alone. In this room.

We make love. Slow and tender at first, ascending in different levels, nearing basic instincts. That frantic animalistic copulation I mistook as love we have shared long before. Hungry. Wild. We tear each other's heart out. I gasp. You're holding me like I am going to run. You bite me like a cougar catching a younger prey, only we are opposite. You are pressing my hand like I was tied. You, yourself bound to me. I cling to our nakedness. Wanting. Licking the sickly sweet sweat that runs on your body, never wanting them to leave. Because I know neither the sweat of you I will taste again nor the sickening smell I have come to love but others abhor.

You come like a bursting dam. Every inch of me is drenched from your shuddering body. I feel like a drowning victim, struggling for breath. I am drowning. Drowning in you. My tree-trunk expanding, filling you.

What you missed to soak, I filled in. I, wanting you to be engulfed by me, gushes like we are swimming in this monstrosity. We hold hands. We kiss. Deep. Long. Overflowing with love I only feel. We cling to each other as if the ending is in the offing. We are afraid. I am afraid.

Wasted, we cling to each other. Sweat, tears and everything salty mixed from within and without. I sighed a heavy goodbye, suppresing a tear I could not. I cried silently. Your light snoring and the rain outside covers my tears.

It is the last of you. Tonight. This Valentine's.

I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity

Here I am and I stand so tall

I'm just the way I'm supposed to be

But you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees

As I try to make you see

That you're everything I think I need

Here on the ground

But you're neither friend nor foe

Though I can't seem to let you go

The one thing that I still know

Is that you're keeping me down

You're keeping me down

You're on to me, on to me and all over

Something always brings me back to you

It never takes too long...

Part of the lyrics of the song Gravity by Sara Bareilles taken from elyrics.net.

Can we measure love?

I have a friend who kept on disturbing me when he is heartbroken. He would call me up on the wee hours of the morning, telling me how frustrated he was with his love affairs. He would whine and would act like a child prompting me to scold him and nag about his childish attitude instead of offering a sympathetic ear.

Because when you hear the same old tune over and over, again and again, your sympathetic ear becomes numb.

I saw how they were as lovers. They would fight in the car even if I am with them. The teasing slap in the face would become a fistfight. And I, having seen it repeatedly done, would turn a blind eye and deaf ear and would not mind them at all. They have separated several times and the other would come to me and ask for help. On their first separation I was also affected. Now when I hear them telling me they have separated (for the nth time), I would just give a smirky face at them.

I just wonder what has love got to do with the weird things we do in life? I have been in several affairs and past lovers would tell me they were hurt by me. All the while I thought I was the most loving partner they could ever have. 

How would you impart love and the other person see that as true love? Is love a subjective feeling? Even if I grew up in a violent environment, I sow seeds of love to my family and friends and almost to everyone to make up what I've lost. Yet it was not enough.

How do we measure love?

Picture from cardiophile.com

V-Day, V-Day!

Funny how Valentine's Day is celebrated. I suppose I should date. I have five invites, actually. Dinner. Movies. Sex. Whew! Seems a lot of fun. But wait- who's going to be first?

Valentine's. Confusing.



Illustration: Broken Hearts and Land Mines by Emile Pen

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