Search and You Shall Find in My World

30 April 2009

Edik is old!

I am really OLD! Who would cry upon hearing Raul Sunico playing MATUD NILA on piano? Only old folks!

Return to Innocence

I am sick. And I hate it. I wonder why I suddenly have fever and was actually shivering from the cold I felt. My joints are painful, my back like some truck rammed on it. While lying down on my bed, moving from left to right is rather painful. Even getting sheets to warm me up is an agony.

And then the bad dreams.

This time I dreamed about my past and Grandma again. The second time, actually. We were riding on this jeepney together with almost all townmates were in there as passengers. There was Melvin, my classmate in the elementary and a good neighbor. He was acting he did'nt know me. There was Dencio, my barber since I was young. There was Mam Uping. And several others busy in their own little worlds. Except for Melvin who migrated to Singapore a long time ago, everyone is dead.

Suddenly the scene came to a home which was not really our home as I remembered it was. Coming out from the CR, my Grandma confronted me why I was suddenly home and rarely goes home. I was not able to answer. I didn't have answers. Then, I was pulled in a vortex of white stairs. Not falling. Running but not running. I don't know. I saw my feet acting like they were running but I felt I was pulled. And down there, I can see the choir of children singing something I could not decipher. Everything is in white.

I woke up in sweat. And the headache throbbed like I my head is going to burst.

I hate this.

29 April 2009

Another confession

I know. You are already tired with these personality quizzes telling you who you are not or what will become of you. Some even tells you the exact date and time when you will die. Gross!

After being pestered by Rex to take the exams (I was reading a book and seriously engrossed with it), I grudgingly tried to. But the results seem nice and was telling me my behavior. I could say 95% true. Know me more? Read this.

So consider this as another personality confessions.

My results-

Name: Edik
Date: 4/28/2009
Colorgenics Number: 63120475

You are a very emotional and sensitive individual. Your life and love of life is dominated by your emotions - you have great feeling towards your fellow man and you are always full of enthusiasm but be careful, you tend to let your heart rule your head and this being so, you could be easily hurt - as perhaps you may have indeed been hurt in the past.

You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going but need to find a person who will recognise the way you are, not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, 'Simpatico'.

Although you are, deep down, a very caring person, you are very particular in the choice of friends and indeed very demanding at times. You can be most quarrelsome and controversial and it is because of this argumentative trait you can at times explode into open conflict - conflict with even those you may care for and love. It is because of this inherent argumentative streak in you that may have resulted in broken hopes and dreams.

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You are carried away by other people's enthusiasm and looking for that idealised relationship, be it in a business or personal situation, which you are able to share with a mutual depth of understanding. You have lowered your defences in the past and you have been hurt, so you are now extremely wary of being exploited. You are still ready to trust people on the condition that they are prepared to offer you proof of their sincerity.

You wish to safeguard yourself against criticism or conflict and to embed yourself in a protected situation. You are a difficult person to relate to and very difficult to please.

If you are interested to take the little quiz, follow this link- Colorgenics Quiz.

27 April 2009

"Avoid touching, kissing, and hugging." - DOH

As if it were not enough, Mexico, already threatened by a deadly swine flu virus, was rattled by a 6.0 magnitude earthquake on Monday, 27 April.

Meanwhile the Philippine government stepped up its efforts to get rid of any possible contamination in the country. Health officials asked Filipinos to refrain from hugging, kissing or even touching other people.

That means I have to wrap myself up in a bubble world starting today until the virus is contained. Sorry guys, you will miss my hugging and kissing for the time being.


..the “proper way” of coughing, say health authorities, is to cough into one’s shirt, holding the neckline over one’s face to prevent the spread of germs – carried in the air through droplets expelled by your mouth or nose – to other people.

Washing one’s hands frequently, or using alcohol hand cleansers, are also practices we can adopt to prevent spreading not just swine flu virus but other germs as well.

Swine Flu Etiquette/Rina Jimenez-David

(Pic grabbed from

Rainy Summer

It rained the other night. Got wet and felt cold. Gladly hugged The Korean.

It rained yesterday morning. Got wet but was running late to an appointment. Got a hair blower to dry my pants and shoes and ate to death.

Today the skies are cloudy again and lightning and thunder made me cower in the bathroom.

Ahhh summer rain.

Reconstructing the Lowly Buwad (Tuyo for you Tagalogs)

I was hungry and there was no food around except the buwad in the food cabinet. Now I don't really go for salty food hence the buwad stayed there for a longer time.

What to do?

First, I have to get the saltiness of the buwad so I soaked them in tap water for about 30 minutes. Yeah, I even washed them under running water. Friends joked when they heard me doing this- Why didn't you wash them with soap and water? they teased me.

Then I put them on a plate and added some McCormick Spicy Adobo Twist and some kalamansi juice. I let the spices and the buwad stand for about ten minutes so a marriage of something sour and spicy would bring out the flavor together.

Fried them in vegetable oil.

Put some cubed ripe mango, kalamansi juice and a teaspoon of sukang pinakurat (spicy vinegar from Iligan City). Added some rice.

Voila! And what remained after?

25 April 2009

Forbes: World's Most Dangerous Countries

Forbes Magazine, that reliable mag telling us who to rob in their millionaire's list has released another Top 15 list. This time, they have the most dangerous places, countries should I say, not worth your visit. As the byline of Zack O'Malley Greenburg's World's Most Dangerous Countries said, Avoid visiting these places if you value your safety.
15. Georgia/North Caucasus, Russia
14. Nigeria
13. Algeria
12. Haiti
11. Cote d'Ivoire
10. Zimbabwe
9. Sudan
8. Yemen
7. Sri Lanka
6. Gaza, Palestinian Territories
5. Pakistan
4. Democratic Republic of Congo
3. Iraq
2. Afhanistan
1. Somalia. Somalia is the consensus pick for the world's most dangerous destination. A textbook example of a failed state, the former Italian and British colony is dominated by squabbling warlords and local militias. Somalia has gained additional notoriety as a modern-day Tortuga thanks to the hordes of fishermen-turned-pirates living along its coast. Conditions inland remain chaotic, where the recent departure of Ethiopian troops has left just 3,500 soldiers from Uganda and Burundi to monitor a country nearly the size of Texas. (quoted from the same article)
With all the unabated kidnappings in Mindanao, police brutality in the country and dog-eats-dog attitude among the politicians and the general public, I am so glad no mention of the Philippines ever took place.

But one thing I am sure of- there is a Pinoy in those places.

(Picture: AP Photo/Mohamed Sheikh No)

24 April 2009

Wonderfully Old

I received this email from a good friend who is fond of making pranks on me. Yeah, my birthday has passed and way too long to wait but still this. Enjoy you old folks.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60s, 70s and 80s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful.

But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. 

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

Being Gay and Hugh Jackman

"I'd be happy to go and deny it, because I'm not. But by denying it, I'm saying there is something shameful about it, and there isnt anything shameful."

"The questions about sexuality I find more here in America than anywhere else, because its a big hang-up and defines what people think about themselves and others. Its not a big issue in Australia."

Hugh Jackman quoted from Parade Magazine by OMG! when asked about his being gay. Hugh Jackman played a gay character, Peter Allen, in The Boy from Oz where he won a Tony award (2004).

Picture of Jackman and children from

23 April 2009

Another Confession (Or thoughts that came in as I read Paul Theroux's The Lesson Of My Life article)

I am hard-headed. Hard-head because I do not confer my life with other people's and live my life according to theirs. 

Many times friends and relatives, mostly friends, ask me what will my future be. I never really planned my life as it should be and I never have a thought that when I grow old I should have the money to cling on to. 

While others save for their future, I go and explore the world and splurge my earnings for my family. I don't give them money, my family. Although The Mom would sometimes ask for something for our farmland and The Pa would ask for improvement of his bike and occasionally I secretly put an amount in my aunts' hands. It is all for family. 

I love them. Love can also be a dinner in an expensive restaurant which we rarely go. Or an expensive gift for an occasion. Or a bunch of goodies for each of our growing family.

When all settles down and everyone is satisfied, I don't have money to spare for a trip back to my place or for the rent and utilities, but I have given my family something to remember. As opposed to The Sis who is known to have become a millionaire and yet no member of the family would dare and ask something from her.

Friends say I am a drifter. I say I am. But my family looks at me as their idol. Who can beat that?

I go whenever and wherever the wind blows. I live life as it is.

I have cracks in my head but my family loves me.

(Photo taken by Ary and Photoshop-ped by Edik

Be Kind to Parrots (and some People, too)

Boredom can lead to madness in parrots. The birds need constant interaction, affection, and mental stimulation; bird authorities have determined that some parrots have the mental abilities of a 5-year-old human child. When caged by themselves and neglected for long periods of time, these intelligent, sociable birds can easily become mentally ill. Many inflict wounds upon themselves, develop strange tics, and rip out their own feathers. Should a neglected parrot go mad, there is little that can be done to restore it to normalcy. In England, there are mental institutions for such unfortunate creatures.

From Useless Knowledge

22 April 2009

Stunning Images from Saturn

NASA provided these images from its mission spacecraft Cassini, on a mission to our neighbor Saturn. I feel very very small already.

More information at this link where I copied the pictures.

21 April 2009

Kalderetang Kambing

I was curious why the kitchen seems to be a flurry of activities. A shout for an ingredient there and a nag about some misplaced utensil here. The cause? A kalderetang kambing which looks interesting enough just by looking at the ingredients.

I did not asked how to cook the kambing and what were the ingredients. I do not intend to make this one. Instead I took pics of the preparations.

The final product was just delicious.

Home for the old

I woke up at 3 in the morning today. Maybe because I am getting older. That's what old people do. Sleep early. Wake up early. But I did not sleep early.

Somewhere in this urbanized neighborhood, I can hear the chickens crowing and the birds chattering, ending in a beautiful chaotic chorus as the early morning lightened up and the lights turned off. The pigs getting alive grunting and begging for food, perhaps. I am so glad I can still sense the provinciality (is there such word?) in this part of metro Cebu. Just like home.

When Daughtry belted out Home, suddenly I miss Batuan, my true home.

I know Tatay would now be preparing the food for our pigs. Or for the chickens robbers loved to snatch when my parents are sleeping. Mama, the ever hardworker amongst us, may have prepared our food already with the thermos full of hot water ready for the coffee-hungry in the family.

The entire surroundings in Batuan would be alive by now. Just like any other town. The city morning life is so different from the province. That's what I really missed. The burning of leaves in the mornings seems so hallucinatory and refreshing as compared to the smoke the cars are giving off outside.

I would now be having my second cup of coffee as I make tambay outside and being greeted by farmers on the way to their lands, some of them with a carabao in tow. Nong Uriel, the local baker, would be offering me his pandesal. His daughter likewise would be smiling at me with her bibingka, knowing the fact that I love bibingka. And I would be buying from them.

I miss home.

20 April 2009


I was wondering why exes, you know, the past ones who left you (with emphasis on that), still wanting to control on what should I be posting about something I feel on a relationship that turned bad. Not because of me, of course. They left me over someone. And still they say Don't post this and that, I understand you and you can text me and share me what you felt but I won't reply, Because I know how you felt.


And still, let me be kind by saying, they are more bitter than me and they hound me with messages that I am an insensitive asshole that I am.

I don't understand. Am I so dense?

This of course will bombard me with insensitivity comments...

18 April 2009

A world of my own

Unnecessary heartaches left me stranded in my own little world and kept me longing for my family. They have been asking for my presence in important events but I declined. I retreated to a world I could only understand. Alone. Helpless. Emotional. I created them and the barrier.

Yes, I admit I was living in a world full of fantasy. I imagined perfect things. Perfect relationships.  Perfect settings. Everything. That was why I've fallen hard. And it hurts. 

Then I woke up this morning with a slap in my face. A slap coming from within, not outside. A sudden click in the mind telling me to wake up and get real. Something that awakened me after a numbing experience, a groggy sleep you don't want to. A snap! 

And there, the birds were alive and the sun brightened my place. Even the stray cats were trying to get in. Such a lovely day and I did not see its beauty. They have been around me for so long and I took them for granted, and instead, dwell on perfect dreams which were not really there. The things I took for granted should have been given me inspiration had I not enclosed myself with that mesh of uncertainty.

Family. They were there. All the time. 

Time to clean up my mess.

A note on Forgiveness:
"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free." - Catherine Ponder

17 April 2009


A fellow blogger Lungga ni Dakuykoy wrote that we are a Mad World. He was wondering why the supposed-suicide of Ted Failon's wife has become a national issue. 

I am confused too. I mean, the TV and papers AND mostly the police all focused on her death and some questionable actions done by Failon, the in-laws and the househelp of the family. 

Is her death, may she rest in peace, a breach of national security?

Is this part of a publicity, be that of Failon and the PNP?

How important to the police are the Failons?

Makoy wrote and I am quoting him- Pero pamilya nila yon, kaya nakapagtataka lang ang OA na panghihimasok ng pulisya knowing na mas malaking krimen ang ginagawa halimbawa ng mga alagad ni Jovito Palparan. Sa dinami-dami ng mga kasong desaparecidos ilan ba rito ang pinagbuhusan ng atensyon netong kapulisyahan? Sarap pagbabatukan. Buti na lang wala akong kamag-anak na pulis.

Bakit nga ba?

UPDATE/April 18, 2009:

Just this morning I read an Editorial (Suicide) from the Opinion Page of the and rightly asked the same question (and more) to the Failon case. I am quoting it in toto so you can see what has happened to the police force of the Philippines.

AFTER watching the way the police have been handling the investigation of the death of Trinidad Arteche Etong, ABS-CBN news anchor Ted Failon’s wife, Filipinos have reason to be afraid -- very afraid -- of their so-called protectors.

From the time the Quezon City police began working on the case, it was clear they wanted to pin down Failon in a murder charge.

With little to go on but a fertile imagination, Superintendent Frank Mabanag, chief of the Quezon City Police District’s Criminal Investigation and Detection Unit, theorized that Etong could have been killed in their Pajero and brought up to the bathroom where Failon claimed to have found her lying in a pool of blood.

Right in his own house, Failon was made to undergo a paraffin test as police investigators gleefully posed behind him for souvenir photos.

Even as Etong was undergoing emergency treatment for a bullet wound to her head, the police “invited” Failon to submit to an investigation that would drag through the night up to the early hours of morning.

Eight hours later, the investigators finally let him go.

But soon after that, Mabanag announced that a “manhunt” had been launched for the broadcaster who, it turned out, had just gone back to the hospital to be with his wife.

When the paraffin test yielded a negative result, a gentler and more humane police force would have taken it as a cue to ease up a bit and give Failon, his kin and his household some space to rest and maybe try to come to terms with the tragedy.

But no, the frustrating outcome seemed only to have roused the Quezon City police to intensify their persecution of everyone closely or remotely involved in the case.

In a series of operations, policemen arrested first, Failon’s two maids, his driver and a utility man, and later, two of his in-laws.

Especially brutal was the arrest of Failon’s sister-in-law, Pamela Trinchera, who was dragged protesting and screaming out of the hospital where her sister was being treated.

The police recommended that all, except Failon’s brother-in-law, be charged with obstruction of justice, an offense the police were hard put to define.

The four house help stand accused of tampering with evidence because they cleaned up the bathroom where Etong was reportedly found and the car in which Etong was brought to the hospital.
All claimed they did it on their own (to spare Failon’s younger daughter the trauma of seeing her mother’s blood, according to the maids) and without any intention of hiding a crime.

It seems not to have occurred to the investigators that if indeed Etong died by her own hand -- a possibility they say they have not ruled out -- then no crime was committed, in which case they will have to explain what kind of evidence was tampered with -- evidence of a non-crime, perhaps?

The case against Trinchera (which the prosecutor mercifully dismissed) was even curiouser.

The police wanted her charged for blocking a procedure that the policemen themselves described as inconclusive.

That was what they said when the paraffin test on Failon yielded a negative result.

Why did they insist on doing a test that has been discredited (according to one forensic expert) on a woman who was fighting for her life?

It is not for us to say whether Etong’s death was suicide or murder.

What we can say is that what the Quezon City police have done is an overkill.

Chief Superintendent Roberto Rosales, the National Capital Region police chief, says the investigation is being conducted carefully and by the book.

But as crime investigations go, this one has been going at lightning speed for a police force that remains clueless about assassinations of two Cabinet undersecretaries, not to mention the murders of scores of journalists and activists.

It is clear that the investigators are rushing to implicate anyone and everyone on anything, and especially Failon if they can.

And the reason is obvious: Failon has been a thorn in the side of the Quezon City police, with his biting radio commentaries on the rubout of suspected car thieves on EDSA a couple of months ago and the recent upsurge of carjacking cases in the city.

This is sweet revenge for some city police officers, and they don’t care who gets hurt.

Neither do they care if the whole nation watches as they wage their vendetta in the glare of television cameras.

Their message to the media and the public is unmistakable: Don’t mess with us or else...

Perhaps it is time Filipinos began to ask whether they should continue to support with their taxes an organization that is going berserk.

Continuing to do so is beginning to look like suicide.

Photo from

Ikaw ang hangin

A very short rain woke me up this morning. And just as I am enjoying it, it suddenly stopped. This poem by Hope Sabanpan-Yu reminds me of that rain.

Ikaw ang hangin

Pagkahuman sa inday-inday nga ulan
Mihigda ang akong anino
Ibabaw sa basa nga sagbot

Naminaw ko sa mabugnawng kabughaw sa langit
Ikaw ang hangin nga nanghoy
Sa mingaw nga huni

Alang sa nag-inusarang pagsayaw.