Fasting and Ramadan: Sick

Two days more to go and I would complete my fasting during the Ramadan.

But in the final stretch, my body seemed so weak. I could no longer wake up at 3 in the morning to prepare my food. So I spend the whole day weak, hungry and barely have the time to move around.

Maybe this is a test of strength and patience, so I believe. I have been remiss in my prayers actually and succumb to the pleasures of waiting the breaking of fast.

Patience, patience, patience, that's what my brother Muslim told me.

So these final days, instead of getting more sick, I conditioned myself to make it to Eid. And doing so I could do the giving and forgiving part.

A note on giving, maybe because I am fasting, I realized I have so much graces at home, including abundant food. I never had it before. Before they turn useless, I share them with a needy family.

This is the month of kindness and charity. Be kind to everyone, I was told, even to myself. And so I share.

A world of my own

Unnecessary heartaches left me stranded in my own little world and kept me longing for my family. They have been asking for my presence in important events but I declined. I retreated to a world I could only understand. Alone. Helpless. Emotional. I created them and the barrier.

Yes, I admit I was living in a world full of fantasy. I imagined perfect things. Perfect relationships.  Perfect settings. Everything. That was why I've fallen hard. And it hurts. 

Then I woke up this morning with a slap in my face. A slap coming from within, not outside. A sudden click in the mind telling me to wake up and get real. Something that awakened me after a numbing experience, a groggy sleep you don't want to. A snap! 

And there, the birds were alive and the sun brightened my place. Even the stray cats were trying to get in. Such a lovely day and I did not see its beauty. They have been around me for so long and I took them for granted, and instead, dwell on perfect dreams which were not really there. The things I took for granted should have been given me inspiration had I not enclosed myself with that mesh of uncertainty.

Family. They were there. All the time. 

Time to clean up my mess.

A note on Forgiveness:

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free." - Catherine Ponder