The tattoo

Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, 'Where in hell have you been?'

Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.'

'A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?'

'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly.

'What the hell were you thinking?,' she said, shaking her head in disgust.

'Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?'

'Well, one, I like to watch my money grow...

Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.

Three, I like how money feels in my hand.

And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.'

Larry is recovering in room 232 at the hospital.

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

I've been crazy these past days and harboring ill thoughts against a lover and mankind in general and myself included, despite my being an alien. Unfortunately an email from a friend I read today made me laugh madly. Maybe I should try one of these:

• At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
  
• Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
  
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 
  
• Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  
• In the memo field of all your checks, write Marijuana.
  
• Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.
  
• Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 
  
• Specify that your drive-through order is To Go. 
  
• Sing along at the opera.
  
• Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache. 
  
• When the money comes out from the ATM, scream 'I Won! I Won!'
  
• When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling 'Run for your lives! They're loose!' 
  
• Tell your children 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.' 
  

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity 

• Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.
  

Yet another fool digital mixed media by iandale.net

Sincere Apologies to Everyone

from an email I received today

Over the past few months I have forwarded some inappropriate pictures and jokes to friends who I thought shared the same sense of humor.

Unfortunately this wasn't the case and I seem to have upset quite a few people who have accused me of being sexist and shallow. If you were one of these people, please accept my sincerest apologies.

From now on, I will only post or send e-mail with a cultural or educational content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting topics.

Below is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris. It is the oldest bridge in Paris and took 26 years to build. It was completed in 1604.

A Case of Stupidity from an OFW or Another John Estrada Wannabe

I don't know if this is plain stupidity or mockery of the security of our airports, Filipinos could not refrain from uttering the "bomb joke" despite big warnings inside terminal buildings/airports in the country and the many stories about its consequences.

One time, my sis who works as check-in in-charge at Cebu Pacific, asked an OFW whose heavy baggage did not include the bulky gold necklaces (3 pieces, o my gosh!) and rings, what was inside his checked in bags, the plain answer was BOMBA NA DAY (it's a bomb)! My sis, being a Boholano, asked him twice and informed him of the consequence of his answer. But still he insisted there was bomb in his baggage and laughed out loud. My sis press the alarm button and the OFW was surrounded by police officers in the airport.

In the end, it was the OFW who lost his game. He was not able to take his flight. He was brought to the police station to be booked and charged. He was crying asking for forgiveness from my sis because he was expected in KSA that day. The ever mataray sis only told him- Mibuto na Sir (It's all over).

When we were in foreign countries, Filipinos would cower in fear when asked about an item in the baggage. I wonder why we are so "courageous" only in our country and of all items, it is the bomb taken as our item of choice.

Stupid!

Here is another case-

OFW bound for Kuwait arrested for bomb joke

An Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) was arrested for a grenade (bomb) joke while at the final stage of security procedures at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA) Terminal 1 this morning.

Assistant General Manager for Security and Emergency Ret. Gen. Angel Atutubo identified the OFW as Joel Gonzales, 40, of Mambog, Bacoor Cavite bound for Kuwait. (Emphasis is mine so other people would know where the stupid crackers came from.)

Atutubo said Gonzales cracked a joke when he was asked by the staff manning the X-ray machine about the dark images that appeared on the computer screen.

Gonzales, in a loud voice, reportedly responded "it's a grenade." Members of the Philippine National Police (PNP) belonging to the 1st PICAS immediately held Gonzales and his two black bags for inspection.

Atutubo said the dark images that appeared onscreen were only personal effects wrapped in black plastic bags. No explosive was found.

Gonzales was brought to the Pasay prosecutor’s office and was charged under Presidential Degree 1727. He missed his Kuwait Airways flight at 9 a.m. -- Rudy Santos (Philstar News Service, www.philstar.com)

Related video on John Estrada's stupidity here.