HOUSTON, I HAVE A PROBLEM

somebody called me up just a few minutes ago. he was blaming me for everything bad that happened in his life. for all the failed relationships he had. for the pain. he was obviously drunk. and i can't help but listen to him whine. i know turning my phone off would only mean disaster so i listed in bed and listened. all he need is a listening hear. exhausted (perhaps) he hung up on me.

which reminds me of an article i wrote in MP about a good friend who is now missing. this article was written 17 february 2004 at 2:07 in the morning.

DECONSTRUCTING RYAN

Yeah we meet again. Maski gikapoy ko, I told myself I shoud meet the guy. Again... We had coffee but coffee seems to be the least of things we need aside from the so many in our minds. We agreed to have beer again. So we went to my favorite hangout again! We had several beers and several emotional discussions. We shared thoughts on love lost again. On people we love and hate. On issues that only our kind understood or trying to understand. On things that matter so much to us. On scary moments, like meeting former lovers again!

We shared the same wavelenghts too! I know he is entangled in his own web of personal vision, disillusionment, hopes and dreams, frustrations, realizations, etc. that made him a colorful person just like me. Everytime we talk, the real Ryan would sometime show his emotional side, an attribute he is trying to hide? I don't know. He is a happy person on the surface. He always smiles. I think this made him look younger than his age. And cuter, I say. What's inside this person? What's in his mind? So far, I've only come to the point of knowing the Ryan on his frustrated side, at least. He is a very emotional child this time. I always see his watery eyes when he told me of things he wished didn't happened. Or the joy of doing good deeds to his mother. And I think I love this guy.

We went to Dunkin' Fuente to have another cup of coffee for him and a hot chocolate for me. We talked again and again. I never realized I only told people at home I'll be out just for a few minutes. That was 9:45 pm. And it was past 3 in the morning when I insisted we go home. Iya kong gihatod sa amoa. Sa taxi I can't help but hold his hand. And they stayed locked until we arrived at my place.

It was an emotional experience for me.