Life Begins At 40

Turning 40 I thought would be that easy. Honestly, I have never celebrated my birthdays. Not that I can remember, except that when I was young, The Mother cooked biko (sticky rice cooked in coconut milk and brown sugar) and invited my classmates to come over. That was my first and last birthday celebration. Most of the time I was alone during my birthday, thinking of something good happening to me, daydream, drink as if it was the end of the world, or volunteer to some good cause, in any of that order. I don’t know if having a birthday is a curse or just counting how much more you can live your life.

But being 40 is different. People expect you to be more mature, more responsible, more focused with what you want your life to be. In other words, they want you to be like them.

Which is worse, I think. Nobody, not anyone, would like to become somebody else. Except of course if you are that desperate. Why should I pattern my life with someone else when in fact I could not be like them? I mean I could not be like Bill Gates, or Gloria Arrovo or Lito Osmeña. If I try to be like them I could never be because of some basic principles. Like, I am not a computer wizard, for your information, nor a politician, nor a babble mouth. I am a dropout. Like what Lucien said to me, You are just some dropout from Divine Word College and what can you be proud of? I felt insulted but it was the truth. But at least I have the dignity to accept that fact, who am I and what I have become. Self-respect is one thing. It is the greatest gift one could have.

Which I think is a good way to justify my being 40. There is nothing more sacred and more important than SELF-RESPECT. I’d rather have no money, no friends, and no family than lose my self-respect.

That was why when I was kicked out of my former house (Lucien's house, actually) because I have had enough of insults and had a cleansing amok within my room to preserve my self-dignity and self-respect, I never regretted it. In fact, I was even proud that I finally made an escape after suffering from mental and physical abuses for so many years. Imagine yourself being confined in a jail-like situation that breathing freedom was only a dream. Whew!

And so as I begin to venture my life (they say life begins at 40); I have also gained my freedom, dignity and self-respect once again. Isn't that a great birthday gift one could ever have? I could be that poor and will work to make both ends meet but at least I have my dignity intact.

That is what living life is all about, after all.

(I will be turning 40 on February 6th.)
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