Search and You Shall Find in My World

31 May 2009

No Air

I have become deaf. And suffocated. That instance when you wanted to go out to breath some air but could not. I am literally trapped and gasping for air on my own doing.

You see, this neighbor of mine has texted me since last night asking me to accompany him to some place where he could drown himself in alcohol because he just found out his lover is seeing someone else for more than a month now. He just discovered them through their exchange of text.

That's the problem when you mess with other people's phones. And all you could do is drown yourself in alcohol and wallow in tears.

I could not. I am having fever.

This morning at 5 when I am still nursing my cough, colds, fever and jellyfish stings, he texted me again asking if he could stay in my place awhile. Since I am still groggy with the meds I am taking, I did not reply. I received about 5-6 messages until nine in the morning. I said he can come when I finally realized he is desperate for company.

He wanted to use my internet. Ok.We talked about his problem while he was searching at Friendster and some networking sites the face of his counterpart. As always he is polite. Pwede patugtog? Oo naman. Pwede magsigarilyo? Oo naman despite I was bending over coughing it out. Pwede lakasan natin ang tugtog? Oo naman ok lang ako despite of the fact that I was immersed on a book.

He is actually playing again and again and for the nth time Rihanna's Take A Bow. Believe me, because of that, I could almost sing along with Rihanna without glancing at a lyric pad. He is killing himself slowly.

I wanted to understand him. Oh these agonies of the heart he could not even share despite my prodding. Been there, been that.

Gusto mo atang magpakamatay ah. Paulit-ulit mo si Rihanna. He said he just wanted to listen to that song because it reminds him of the things he wanted to do with his lover.

Putang inang love. Meanwhile I am gasping for air. He did not noticed.

Heartache painting by Scott Brooks (


Sidney said...

Hope you are feeling better!

Love can be heaven or hell...or the two together!

Jay said...

ahh love. ganyan talaga ang buhay.

Clark Can't said..., as in all things, under heaven and over the earth, is grand, baby! and some people can be so selfishly blinded by their own despairs! what a pity.